SCARED

PhotoCredit: Pinterest

I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I would not be scared anymore.

Because my whole life I have been so scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die.

But at the same time I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live.

You don’t have to be afraid to fall, when you are already on the ground.

You don’t have to be scared to lose someone, when there’s no one around to lose.

Charlotte Eriksson (goodreads)
(@Elynjay1, 2019)
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SHATTERED

We are broken. Our ways are apart.
Still we laugh together and taunt.
We fight and get hurt…
Still we don’t stop!
We spread love among us,
With the scent of believe.
We write on live.
Our dreams are shattered.
We think to move on,
But scared to miss each other.
We smirk when someone scolds,
But we drink a jar of poison each time.
We die and born everyday.
We rely on each other.
We get furious.
We tease and never step back.
We listen but never act on.
For public we are mature,
But among us we are childish.
We act like ninjas among us.
And we love to stay like this…
But then, what are we really fighting for. Where’s this leading to. Everything is wrong here, SHATTERED. BROKEN.

Phone credit|| Cesar Biojo (Pinterest)

@elynjay1, 2019… (Joycelyn)

Words: Irfa Adam.

TOXIC SOUL

Thinking about my life and all the mistakes that I have made. The ones I regret and the ones that stay with me.

Who I pretend to be and who I really am

My lips have always craved the taste of lies

Maybe it is because I don’t know what I want

My life is full of lies and there’s no way around it.

It’s already deep intertwined with my soul

My soul is like a black rose 🥀 with blood on its petals and its poisonous ☠️ thorns.

I’m a mistake trying to repent

I am trying but I am wasting away

“Rise above, rise above”

I say to myself over and over again

But all I can do is sink…

I know I have strength and I can be smart

But I’m constantly telling myself otherwise

Those words I repeat in my head with no beginning nor end make my mind no longer a haven I can reside.

My lips still laced with lies

I have created such a toxic cycle

Causing my soul to drown.

Toxic soul (photo credit, Instagram)

@elynjay, 2018

(Joycelyn Baah)

SILENCE

Silence

Words without sound

In silence I loved him

Love without a song

In silence I have lost him

In silence I’ve longed for his hand

And in silence I’ve met emptiness

Leaving me out cold

Torn and broken

Rejected and scarred

Lifeless and alone

In silence I fell

And in silence I heard my own heart breaking

I loved you once upon a time

But the silence killed us…..

©Elynjay, 2018

( Joycelyn Baah).

WHEN YOU ARE ALL YOU HAVE.

Photo credit :instaphoto

           For so long I have lived in a

         misery, hit the bottom of the sea. 

      There wasn’t anyone in the world 

       who knew what was happening 

     to me, and it didn’t feel like anybody 

        would  help me or even cared. 

     All I had was my own self, I felt I 

                 wasn’t good enough. 

          Time was ticking, pain was

         increasing, the further I run, 

        the more I’m getting nowhere,

              I denied to see my fears.  

       Cheating myself with the words 

         ” I am fine”, but behind those

       eyes of mine, I see pain, I feel so

      disconnected from the world. No one

                       notices me. 

  But nowadays I learned to accept the 

    truth, I learned to open up my eyes. 

 I notified am getting stronger in this

  fight, amazing as it is, the PAIN dies. 

Photo credit : instaPhoto.

©Elynjay, 2017.


EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR 

Looking through the mirror, I could see Fear, Rejection, Pain, Guilt, Resentment, Sadness and Bitterness. 
Nothing in the world could ever change my sadness. I am deeply lonely and can never be happy. I have pretended enough and now I am totally shattered. 

The anchor that holds me in my pain, stays the same. What I once used to crave, now seems to be what I absolutely detest. I was once surrounded by people who adored me and now the slightest sign of love seems to irk me. 

I began to associate LOVE with PAIN and all I wish to do is run away from it as far as I can. I managed to convince myself that I am protecting myself from feeling any pain. 

The walls I put up, the constant need of establishing boundaries, I unquenchable thirst to be alone, just by myself. I felt this phase was blissful .

  • What is it that I want? 
  • What is it that can make me happy? 
  • Do I embrace pain and remain unhappy?. 

I think am fading, I am so lost. 

Stop Over thinking

                        EMBRACE 

But looking through me as I stood in front of the mirror with my eyes closed, my inner self felt the need to embrace every moment with a smile…….. So I said; 
Mirrors are not to be trusted, they lie and steal your true self, they reveal only what your mind believes it see. There is every need to change. 

Embrace every moment with a smile ☺

©Elynjay, 2017.