SCARED

PhotoCredit: Pinterest

I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I would not be scared anymore.

Because my whole life I have been so scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die.

But at the same time I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live.

You don’t have to be afraid to fall, when you are already on the ground.

You don’t have to be scared to lose someone, when there’s no one around to lose.

Charlotte Eriksson (goodreads)
(@Elynjay1, 2019)
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INVISIBILITY 

Ever feel like you are the only one who can see you? 

Like you are invisible to everyone else? 

Alone and sad, she sits by herself. Not full of self wealth, No comfort, No care. Though it’s not really her fault, you see?, well you cannot. Her purpose in life is nearly scant. 

People do not move for her, so she pushes and passes, with her head hung low and her spirit down. There is nothing more for her to do. 

She sulks and drowns in her pool of tears, nobody will listen, nobody really hears her. It’s like the whole world has turned deaf ears on her. 

She has always wanted a friend, though everyone perceives her as a ghost 👻. No one sees her pain, she takes a walk 🚶, where she stops, no one really knows. She strive to be everything, only to realize she is still….. Nothing at all. 

Now she has built a wall around her, A wall so strong to break, Too high to climb. She felt it was safer to be within those walls, To feel nothing at all. This is a symbolism that; she is truly INVISIBLE and that is all she can ever Be. 

Google images

©ElynJay, 2016.

TOXIC SOUL

Thinking about my life and all the mistakes that I have made. The ones I regret and the ones that stay with me.

Who I pretend to be and who I really am

My lips have always craved the taste of lies

Maybe it is because I don’t know what I want

My life is full of lies and there’s no way around it.

It’s already deep intertwined with my soul

My soul is like a black rose 🥀 with blood on its petals and its poisonous ☠️ thorns.

I’m a mistake trying to repent

I am trying but I am wasting away

“Rise above, rise above”

I say to myself over and over again

But all I can do is sink…

I know I have strength and I can be smart

But I’m constantly telling myself otherwise

Those words I repeat in my head with no beginning nor end make my mind no longer a haven I can reside.

My lips still laced with lies

I have created such a toxic cycle

Causing my soul to drown.

Toxic soul (photo credit, Instagram)

@elynjay, 2018

(Joycelyn Baah)

BUT WE LOST IT

I still remember you in everything I do

I wore you like a bruise proudly on my forehead, displayed for all to see

I still want to tell you about everything right after it happens.

There is no you but I will not let this kill me

You marked me but I survived, as easy as it would be to give up, to give in to this great sadness

I will not let it take control

I will not let it consume me because I am stronger than that

I was broken, empty, depressed and in despair but now I smile.

You will fade and I will still be here, being me…….SURVIVING.

PhotoCredit: instaphoto

@elynjay1, 2018

(Joycelyn Baah).

I WAS LIKE THAT

From the time I was left alone until now

I never expected anything from people

So I was okay

Whether someone misunderstands or understands me………

It didn’t matter to me at all.

“The things I do, whether it was gonna bring me pain or it was
the wrong choice, it didn’t matter… I’d still do it”.

I realized am always going to be like this…no matter how much I
try, I always fall into the same pit…

I guess that’s what saying goodbye is always like………

Like jumping off an edge, the worst part is making the choice to
do it.

Once you are in the air, there is nothing you can do but to to
let go.

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@Elynjay,2018
(JOYCELYN BAAH)

SCARS

In that shutter island room faces away from the sun.

I pick my writing pad, pacing back and forth, all confused.

How can I write when there is nothing

Now my quiet mind sits there in the purple kind.

I think of what is over, forgetting the world around me.

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How can I see when all there is, is pain.

The scars on my arms are not as bad as the screams in my head.

How can I be a good a person when all I see is bad.

How do you justify an act of kindness, when all anybody sees is bad.

___________________________________________________

Graze my brain sockets and tell me what I am missing for my

heart is covered with scars and I seem lost.

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Elynjay,2018
(JOYCELYN BAAH).

CRUEL

I drown in the depths of your ocean
I suffocate as you take the air I breathe
Too much emotion, making me explode.

***************************************************************

I burn by the scorching heat of your dessert
I am lost in your maze of lies.
I am scarred by the blade of your selfishness.

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These scars that bind my heart still bleed at the mention
of your name but then I am blinded by the beauty of your light.

___________________________________________________
Why did I ever think you are beautiful when all these times, all you
ever wanted was to throw me into my grave.

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Elynjay,2018.

SILENCE

Silence

Words without sound

In silence I loved him

Love without a song

In silence I have lost him

In silence I’ve longed for his hand

And in silence I’ve met emptiness

Leaving me out cold

Torn and broken

Rejected and scarred

Lifeless and alone

In silence I fell

And in silence I heard my own heart breaking

I loved you once upon a time

But the silence killed us…..

©Elynjay, 2018

( Joycelyn Baah).

DEPARTURE

He asked :

You and me; can’t we be friends?

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she replied….

I told you before, I don’t do stuff like that.

In the beginning , you were a man to me, And now, my heart still calls you my man.

In the future, you will still be my first love. But then let’s pretend nothing ever happened between us.

When we meet, let’s not greet each other.

Let’s not even ask; ” Have you been well? ”

Even after a lot of time has passed………..

” It was like that before; just like a memory, let’s not smile and act as if we know each other.

Whatever The Start Was, I loved You…

Photo credit : Google images

©Elynjay, 2018.

(Joycelyn Baah)

WHEN YOU ARE ALL YOU HAVE.

Photo credit :instaphoto

           For so long I have lived in a

         misery, hit the bottom of the sea. 

      There wasn’t anyone in the world 

       who knew what was happening 

     to me, and it didn’t feel like anybody 

        would  help me or even cared. 

     All I had was my own self, I felt I 

                 wasn’t good enough. 

          Time was ticking, pain was

         increasing, the further I run, 

        the more I’m getting nowhere,

              I denied to see my fears.  

       Cheating myself with the words 

         ” I am fine”, but behind those

       eyes of mine, I see pain, I feel so

      disconnected from the world. No one

                       notices me. 

  But nowadays I learned to accept the 

    truth, I learned to open up my eyes. 

 I notified am getting stronger in this

  fight, amazing as it is, the PAIN dies. 

Photo credit : instaPhoto.

©Elynjay, 2017.