This is me and how unhappy I have been. Well it’s part of life and I have to get used to it. Everybody has got issues but it depends on how we take it and how we will want to handle it.
A lot has been going on but every time, I learn something new. There was one person I could call my first love though it wasn’t my first relationship, he was the person who ever made my heart beat.
All the time, I kept blaming myself because I screwed up, but I was sorry and wanted to make things right but he never saw that. I changed few things about me to fit into everything he wanted just for him to know that, i really want to be with him no matter what. Everything he asked of me I did because all I thought was one day, things were gonna get better but NO!!… I was fooled. I allowed myself.
Sometimes when he said I love you it made me both sad and happy at the same time, because anytime he said that, it made me feel like I play a pretty important role in his life but they were all lies, he never meant it, just about anything he said. Its always been typical of me, running back all the time. I felt it was wrong to go back, but I never brought myself to letting go or accepting that he will never take me back. The truth hurts He never cared.
Would say, usually I avoid changes and preferred to stay in my comfort zone. I believed that once I get the courage and take the first step to change, my life will be better. I decided to turn my back on that and was always into whatever I would never have. Trying to reach the things I can’t see.
Why did I even try when I knew I was going to fall down waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing but that’s how I felt.
Now I’m going to take a personal growth, growing and learning new things every time something changes, to discover new insights about different aspects of my life. Learn lessons even from changes that did not lead me to where I wanted to be. We all have things in our lives we’d like to improve, and I know that nothing will improve by itself so I need to do things differently to make that happen. Without change, there’d be no improvements and I might freak out when something unexpectedly shifts.
From time to time changes make you re-evaluate your life and look at certain things from a different perspective, depending on what the change is, it may reinforce your life values and not all changes lead us to pleasant periods of life. Unfortunately, I realized that we don’t live in fairy tales and sad things happen too, overcoming the tough period will make me stronger.
I may never know what each change may bring, but turning from the usual path, there will be plenty of different opportunities waiting for me and it will bring new choices for happiness and fulfillment. Each change is a turning page, it is about one chapter and opening another one…changes bring new beginnings and excitements to life… I’ve come to know that, life without accepting to let go and embrace changes will make your life completely dull, extremely predictable and uninteresting.
Next time if I get the temptation to avoid or resist change, I’m going to aim at initiating the ones that will lead me to where i want to be. If there was no change, there would be no butterflies, if i don’t let go, i will always be wallowing in sadness.
From today, I quit blaming myself for everything I ever did. I’m over guilt because I have apologized enough and i know I did the right thing. I’m going to let myself shine through all situations. I may be dumb but am not stupid and i am going to wake up and take change of my life!!