WELCOME TO YOURSELF

ENEMIES OF THE HEART

QUILT AND ANGER

PhotoCredit: Pinterest

We get angry when we don’t get what we want or when we’ve been hurt by our loved ones.

We all know people whose anger could be verbalized in one of the following: “You took the best years of my life”, “you owe me an opportunity to try”, ” you owe me a second chance “, ” you owe me affection “, ” you took my reputation “.

The root of anger is the perception that something has been taken. What debt is causing the anger you feel?, Anger can take up residence in the heart and live there for years.

I’d like to propose that today should be the day when you quit holding on to hurt. While it’s true that you cannot undo what’s been done, it’s equally true that you don’t have to let the past control your future. Forgetting the past requires mental and spiritual discipline. ( Ephesians 4:26&30-32).

WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY AT?

You can feel guilty when you regret something you have done or said that you cannot take back. It might feel like your conscience is reminding you about what happened. If you feel guilty about something specific, you could make a deal with yourself to do something about it. Do not let guilt consume your thoughts and heart.

The only remedy to rid yourself off guilt and anger is FORGIVENESS.

Forgive yourself and whom ever you have hurt or has hurt you. If you regard iniquity in your heart, you put yourself in prison, if you forgive yourself and others, you set yourself free. ( Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago- Isaiah 43:18).

Depression will send chills down your spine

Depression will send chills down your spine

@elynjay1,2019

(Joycelyn Baah).

SCARED

PhotoCredit: Pinterest

I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I would not be scared anymore.

Because my whole life I have been so scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die.

But at the same time I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live.

You don’t have to be afraid to fall, when you are already on the ground.

You don’t have to be scared to lose someone, when there’s no one around to lose.

Charlotte Eriksson (goodreads)
(@Elynjay1, 2019)

INVISIBILITY 

Ever feel like you are the only one who can see you? 

Like you are invisible to everyone else? 

Alone and sad, she sits by herself. Not full of self wealth, No comfort, No care. Though it’s not really her fault, you see?, well you cannot. Her purpose in life is nearly scant. 

People do not move for her, so she pushes and passes, with her head hung low and her spirit down. There is nothing more for her to do. 

She sulks and drowns in her pool of tears, nobody will listen, nobody really hears her. It’s like the whole world has turned deaf ears on her. 

She has always wanted a friend, though everyone perceives her as a ghost 👻. No one sees her pain, she takes a walk 🚶, where she stops, no one really knows. She strive to be everything, only to realize she is still….. Nothing at all. 

Now she has built a wall around her, A wall so strong to break, Too high to climb. She felt it was safer to be within those walls, To feel nothing at all. This is a symbolism that; she is truly INVISIBLE and that is all she can ever Be. 

Google images

©ElynJay, 2016.

SHATTERED

We are broken. Our ways are apart.
Still we laugh together and taunt.
We fight and get hurt…
Still we don’t stop!
We spread love among us,
With the scent of believe.
We write on live.
Our dreams are shattered.
We think to move on,
But scared to miss each other.
We smirk when someone scolds,
But we drink a jar of poison each time.
We die and born everyday.
We rely on each other.
We get furious.
We tease and never step back.
We listen but never act on.
For public we are mature,
But among us we are childish.
We act like ninjas among us.
And we love to stay like this…
But then, what are we really fighting for. Where’s this leading to. Everything is wrong here, SHATTERED. BROKEN.

Phone credit|| Cesar Biojo (Pinterest)

@elynjay1, 2019… (Joycelyn)

Words: Irfa Adam.

TOXIC SOUL

Thinking about my life and all the mistakes that I have made. The ones I regret and the ones that stay with me.

Who I pretend to be and who I really am

My lips have always craved the taste of lies

Maybe it is because I don’t know what I want

My life is full of lies and there’s no way around it.

It’s already deep intertwined with my soul

My soul is like a black rose 🥀 with blood on its petals and its poisonous ☠️ thorns.

I’m a mistake trying to repent

I am trying but I am wasting away

“Rise above, rise above”

I say to myself over and over again

But all I can do is sink…

I know I have strength and I can be smart

But I’m constantly telling myself otherwise

Those words I repeat in my head with no beginning nor end make my mind no longer a haven I can reside.

My lips still laced with lies

I have created such a toxic cycle

Causing my soul to drown.

Toxic soul (photo credit, Instagram)

@elynjay, 2018

(Joycelyn Baah)

BUT WE LOST IT

I still remember you in everything I do

I wore you like a bruise proudly on my forehead, displayed for all to see

I still want to tell you about everything right after it happens.

There is no you but I will not let this kill me

You marked me but I survived, as easy as it would be to give up, to give in to this great sadness

I will not let it take control

I will not let it consume me because I am stronger than that

I was broken, empty, depressed and in despair but now I smile.

You will fade and I will still be here, being me…….SURVIVING.

PhotoCredit: instaphoto

@elynjay1, 2018

(Joycelyn Baah).

I WAS LIKE THAT

From the time I was left alone until now

I never expected anything from people

So I was okay

Whether someone misunderstands or understands me………

It didn’t matter to me at all.

“The things I do, whether it was gonna bring me pain or it was
the wrong choice, it didn’t matter… I’d still do it”.

I realized am always going to be like this…no matter how much I
try, I always fall into the same pit…

I guess that’s what saying goodbye is always like………

Like jumping off an edge, the worst part is making the choice to
do it.

Once you are in the air, there is nothing you can do but to to
let go.

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@Elynjay,2018
(JOYCELYN BAAH)

SCARS

In that shutter island room faces away from the sun.

I pick my writing pad, pacing back and forth, all confused.

How can I write when there is nothing

Now my quiet mind sits there in the purple kind.

I think of what is over, forgetting the world around me.

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How can I see when all there is, is pain.

The scars on my arms are not as bad as the screams in my head.

How can I be a good a person when all I see is bad.

How do you justify an act of kindness, when all anybody sees is bad.

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Graze my brain sockets and tell me what I am missing for my

heart is covered with scars and I seem lost.

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Elynjay,2018
(JOYCELYN BAAH).

CRUEL

I drown in the depths of your ocean
I suffocate as you take the air I breathe
Too much emotion, making me explode.

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I burn by the scorching heat of your dessert
I am lost in your maze of lies.
I am scarred by the blade of your selfishness.

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These scars that bind my heart still bleed at the mention
of your name but then I am blinded by the beauty of your light.

___________________________________________________
Why did I ever think you are beautiful when all these times, all you
ever wanted was to throw me into my grave.

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Elynjay,2018.